Nightmares ravaged my sleep again last night. The couple who held this journal were there. As were several other suicides that I have encountered...Including my wife. I was alone in a bar. I sat on a bar stool talking to a bartender that was there only metaphysically. I heard the shriek. A shriek that I have heard many times before. The sound that someone makes when getting bit. The shriek that torments me more than the souls of the undead that creep beneath me. The shriek that summarizes what no human can verbalize with words. It's a combination of horror, sadness, and a sense of loss. Instantly knowing as the teeth sink into your arm, that you are going to die. No fuckin matter what you do. No amputation, no medicine.
Many believe that they will go into a "berserker" like rage when they get bit, going out on a blaze of glory. That's not the situation. 9/10 bite victims I've encountered lose themselves before the infection even takes over. They are a shell of themselves. Crouched down in the fetal position, with inevitable tears stinging their eyes.
I heard the shriek and spun around. The bar no longer had tables. The floor was taken up with the bite victims i've seen, not the blaze of glory type. Sobs of pain and loss engulfed the room. I couldn't hear myself think. I stood up from my bar stool, and without thinking, waded into the mass of victims. They ignored me, they were solely focused on what afflicted them. Various gunshots began to surface from the crowd. With each gunshot the crying grew dimmer. I waded further and further into the crowd. Soon, there were no gunshots, and no sobs. Just death. I closed my eyes and opened them again. I was no longer in a bar. I was in a white room, unable to move. My wife sat curled in a ball in the corner wearing that same damn t-shirt and...she...
She asked me, "Why?". I couldn't move. I was completely paralyzed. "Why?!" She wailed again. A gun materialized in her hand. She shook her head disappointingly. She rose the gun to her temple, and with the gunshot I startled myself awake. I was drenched in sweat.
I can't lose my sanity. Keep the body moving. Don't think about the past. I will write again before the night ends.
I love you, my beautiful wife.
